I'll call today's post "Growing Pains." Braedon is now into his third week of school and it is starting to focus less on playing games and more on learning. An adjustment that Braedon is finding difficult to make. Today was a tough day for him. He had many many outbursts and had to leave the classroom and head over to Ms. Dalton's (the special education room) class. His "helper", Lori, wasn't able to calm him down. She comes into his Kindergarten class two times during the day to help him transition.
I spoke to his teacher about ways we can help him. A picture schedule, a frustration/calm chart, increasing his ADHD medicine, and time. One thing his teacher mentioned is now that we are heading into more academics and less games, he is struggling even more. He acts out by screaming and throwing himself on the floor. He cries and can't calm down.
He's had a few days like this and this is not the first he's had to go to Ms. Dalton's classroom. I have to say, I do struggle with the idea of him having to go to the special ed. class. I like the teachers and children in special ed., but I just wish he could stay in his classroom more. The idea of him making such a fuss in class and having to leave breaks my heart. I don't know why, but today it really has been hard on me. I've cried over his struggles today and tried to remind myself that each step is a step, no matter the size. That hasn't really helped.
I want him to learn at a pace that is comfortable for him. I think I struggle that it isn't the same pace as other children his age. Each time I think we are "catching up", WHAM! I feel we are knocked back a flight. I can hear all the positive words and phrases you say to yourself and others say to me, but right now that doesn't change the way I feel. I just feel sad today. Defeated. Let down. Angry. Nervous. Disappointed.
I just start thinking about what my boys will and won't be able to do as they get older. Will they be able to live on their own? Serve missions? Have a family? Go to college? Have a job? I wish I had those answers. I do have a sense of peace that they will live their lives to the fullest. I believe, very strongly, that God has blessed me with these two special little boys and I take the responsibility of raising them as a sacred one. I know God knows them. He knows what they can do. I think I need to trust more in Him. Sometimes, you just have sad days.
It's not easy raising two boys with autism. If you don't have children with special needs, then I'm sorry but you don't understand. Today it is very exhausting to be Braedon and Reilly's mother.
Luckily, tomorrow is another day.
1 comment:
Please do not be hard on yourself if your child needs to go back to his sped room for more than you would like during this time. As a longtime educator and mom, sometimes it HAS to be all about the CHILD. In my experience...when the meltdowns are frequent....that is a sign that it is too stressful for the child. As long as YOU are in the driver's seat in the IEP process, the daily situation should dictate where his placement is that day. I know you want him in reg ed as much as possible, but I've found in primary grades....no 2 days are the same and he just may need more time in sped than you want right now. I hope you take my comment in the spirit in which if offer it. No disrespect meant.
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