AGH!!!

There are days when dealing with autism just plain suck. It bites. It offers me no fun, no happiness, no joy, only a headache. Today has been one of those days.

It started off well enough. We took a trip up to Bountiful (about 15 minutes) to hang out at a friends house with her kids. My boys love going over to her house and playing with the toys. I sat on the couch and just chatted with my friend while the boys played. They never play WITH the girls (2 girls the same age as my boys). The girls just look at the boys and leave them alone.

After we left the house I needed to stop by the store to pick up just a few items. No big deal. Usually we stop at McDonald's after for some fries for Braedon and chicken nuggets for Reilly. Today I planned on doing that, but I needed to go to the grocery store first.

My reason for doing this is to help Braedon understand that sometimes the "schedule" can be adjusted. We don't always need to do the same thing. As I pulled into the grocery store parking lot, which is just across the street from the fry place, the panic started in the back.

I calmly explained we would get fries but I needed to first get some groceries. I parked the car, turned the engine off, and the yelling and crying began to get louder.

I continued to calmly explain that we first needed groceries. I got him out of the car and was careful to hold on to his arm very tightly. I could picture him running toward the fry place. I got Reilly out of the car and headed in.

Braedon, of course, was screaming and crying. It's an annoying and very loud yell he does. I'm pretty sure the entire store could hear him. I put Reilly in the cart and placed Braedon up front in the little kids part of the cart. All this time he was yelling and starting to slap me in the face. I was calmly trying to talk to him.

I pulled the cart to the side and held him very close and tight in hopes it would help calm him down. Nope. He started to spit in my face. Always a joy. A nice lady walked over with some suckers and offered them. In the nicest voice I have, I told her I doubted it would work and thank you. I'm 100% sure Braedon would have thrown that sucker across the store.

As other people began to watch I continued to try and get him to calm down. It wasn't working. I decided to head outside and walk around for a bit. Perhaps I could get him to calm down. Nope. He continued to scream, spit, and slap.

I loaded the boys back in the car and decided I didn't really need apple juice and bananas. They weren't that important. As we headed out of the parking lot, Braedon began to calm down and ask for fries.

OVER MY DEAD BODY!

Once I passed McDonald's, the panic once again set in. The drive back to my house seemed like the longest drive of my life. Braedon was directly behind me, so I was unable to get my hands on him. Lucky for him.

He almost opened the back door while I was on the Interstate going 70 mph. He thrashed around, screamed the ENTIRE way, kicked my seat, and was completely out of his mind.

I think Reilly sensed this and he tried to hide in his car seat and not make any movements. Braedon can reach him, so he wasn't safe. I tried to keep an eye on Reilly to be sure he wasn't harmed.

When we finally got home I took Reilly inside and got him ready for lunch. I left Braedon in the car. Yelling, screaming, and kicking. When I finally did get him out and brought him inside, I sent him to his room. He spent the next 30 minutes yelling in his room. Finally he let me come inside and talk with him.

In all, he acted like this for an hour and a half. By the time it was over any sound hurt my ears. I felt like they were so sensitive. Braedon was tired. We talked for a bit about control and I'm sure he listened.

Today I really don't like autism. I'm hoping tomorrow offers a slightly quieter day.