The day Toby died

We have had a wonderful vacation. Our boys went to the beach for the first time and fell in love with both the sand and the ocean. We are pretty sure Reilly would have kept running into the water had we not grabbed his hand. Braedon found it exciting and a thrill just to watch the waves crash in.

We swam in the pool in my brothers community and realized we need to go swimming more often. Reilly wears a life jacket and has NO fear. He counts to three and jumps in the water. Always sure to go under water first and pop up happy and ready to go again. Braedon was a little slow to warm up to the pool. He isn't as big of a risk taker as Reilly. When he finally learned the pool was only 2-3 feet in the part we played in, it was all about fun. Tonight he jumped around and went under water several times. What he really loved was getting in the hot tub or "hot water", as he calls it. The weather here isn't like in Salt Lake. It's only in the 70s and can get chilly.

Today we went downtown to the Wharf to walk around, look at the boats, the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, and the sea lions. It really was a lot of fun. When we got to the sea lion part I was excited to see what the boys thought. We walked down the pier and found a place to stand and watch. I lifted Braedon up to get a better look and Dean lifted Reilly up. I noticed Reilly had something in his hands as Dean was picking him up. It was Toby, the number 7 square train from Thomas and Friends. Just as I reached out and said, "Dean, get Toby", Reilly realized he was holding something over water. He really likes to throw things in the water and watch them splash. It was a slow motion heart stopper. He gently tossed Toby and we stood their as he fell into the water, "splash."

I feel I need to stop the story for a moment and explain what and who Toby is. Braedon doesn't have any friends. He doesn't know the names of any friends. He barely realized their were others in his class at school this year. His friends. Excuse me, his BEST friends are James, Thomas, Edward, Gordon, Percy, and Toby. He will usually take one of them to school each day and carefully place the train in his bag to wait until the end of the day. He will sometimes sleep with one or more of them. He lays in bed and his hand reaches out and touches his train. He knows all of them by name and remembers where he puts them. They are his friends. They are his best friends.

Back to my story. As soon as I realized that Toby had just died in the San Francisco Bay, I grabbed Braedon and spun him around and covered his eyes. I hoped to have avoided him seeing the horrific tragedy at sea. I was too late.

There was a pause and then I heard it. "Toby?" "Toby?" "Toby? Water?" This kept up for a moment and we thought he was handling it well. I sat down on a bench and that's when it got sad. Braedon realized we couldn't get him out of the water and you couldn't see him. Toby never came back to the surface. He put his head in my chest and started to cry. Not fake crying. Not a little crying. He was mourning the loss of a best friend. His little heart was broken. He was crushed. I tried to wrap my arms around him to offer comfort. Through his sobs I could hear, "Toby in the water." "Toby."..."toby"...on and on.

As we walked off he continued to cry and panic. We were leaving him behind. As we walked along, Braedon walked his "sad" walk. He droops his shoulders, lowers his head, and kind of mopes along. We tried to explain that Toby was going to swim home and meet us there, but that seemed to fall on deaf ears. He cried and yelled for Toby all the way back to the car.

We left and went up to Coit Tower to look around and see the awesome views of the city and the bay. When we got up there and looked out over the bay, I heard Braedon say, "Toby, you in the water." I have never felt so sad about a stupid train before.

When we got home Dean and my brother headed to Toys R Us with their fingers crossed. We played and had a good time in the house. When they returned Dean told Braedon that someone just got back from swimming home. He brought a new Toby from behind his back. Have you ever seen your child smile a smile so wonderful it warms your heart completely? That was this smile. His best friend had returned. Braedon said, "Toby. We found you." He then brought him over for me to kiss. It was a great moment. Thank goodness the night could have a happy ending. Next time we pick Reilly up without anything in his hands. Lesson learned.