Day Three

Day Three

I needed two things before I could sit down and finish this adventure we undertook to Santa Fe:  Time and Perspective.  I think I've finally been able to get both of them.  I hope I can convey what this day was like from my point of view.  I know everyone involved ended the day completely exhausted, both physically and emotionally. 

Looking back I can see some key areas of learning.  I don't call them mistakes because I believe if you do the best you can at that moment then move on.  Learn from it.  Do better next time.

If you haven't read Day One and Day Two, please do that before going on. 

The day started at 6:00am.  We were up, showered, dressed, packed and ready to go by 8:00.  The boys were still trying to convince us to take them to the pool and we were trying to explain if we did we'd miss our plane.  Braedon was ok with that.  We got everyone to the car and Braedon started to worry where his Lito was (his grandparents, uncle and a cousin were in a different car).  We explained we were going to meet for breakfast.  For the next 60 miles (we flew out of Albuquerque) things were pretty quiet.  I think everyone was tired from the past few days and ready to go home.

Braedon knew we were going to the airport and when we started to drive around old downtown Albuquerque, his anxiety began to rise.  I could have shot his uncle for picking a place that, I think, he pulled out of his ass!  I think I'm still a bit angry about driving around town looking for the Red Feather Cafe while Braedon began to come apart.  When we finally got there, both Dean and I had another reason to end Daniel's life...well two more reasons.  First, there was nowhere to park.  When Dean's mom told us to go around the block again, I just about lunged at her.  The people at the restaurant told us to just park in front of the place in reserved parking.  Second, Daniel picked a quirky little place that does everything SLOW and organic and home style.  Normally a place I would love.  When you have two boys that eat only certain brands of cheese (Tillamook sharp), chicken nuggets (banquet), that eat only Johnson sausage links, not patties.  You REALLY want to just find an IHOP....not the Red Feather Cafe, that proudly features Vegan choices... AWESOME!

After a deep breath we walked in and sat down to order.  Reilly ate some bacon and Braedon walked around outside with his Lito.  It was nice to sit with one of Dean's Aunts for a bit before taking off for the airport.  Braedon's anxiety level was still slowly going up.

Daniel stayed in front of us on the short drive to the airport.  Once, a car got in between us and Braedon began to panic.  Daniel slowed down, allowed the car to pass, and we were okay again.

We dropped the cars off at the rental place and headed to the bus to go over to the airport.  I should mention when the boys ride on airport buses, they like to sit in the very back.  Four young guys got on right before us and sat in the seats in the back.  I remember thinking to myself, "This should be interesting.  I'll try to get them to sit somewhere else, but in the end I bet those guys move."  Sure enough, Braedon walked straight back to where he liked to sit, looked at the guy with a beard and hat on and said, "Umm...You're in my seat."  Everyone laughed.  Many references to Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory went around the bus.  We explained to the guys our boys have autism and they were so nice.  Two of guys moved and Braedon and Reilly took "their" seats.

We finally reached the airport.  Hooray.  I, stupidly, remember thinking, "Whew.  The hard part is over."  Even as I type that last sentence I laugh.  Our group started to go into the airport, but one or two stayed back to rearrange their luggage.  Braedon's anxiety level continued to rise.  The "pack" was not allowed to separate.  I explained to everyone that from this point on we were one group.  We checked our bags and a very nice older gentleman said he'd check our booster seats for free. 

Originally we were told we could take our childrens car seats on the plane and they could sit in them.  We use carseats/booster seats and took them on.  Once seated, we were told they couldn't sit on THOSE particular seats.  Ok!  No problem.  We put them under the chair in front of us like any carry-on baggage.  How nice to check those seats in this time around and not have to carry them through the airport and worry about one more thing.

We gathered things together and Braedon watched as our bags and his car seat rounded the corner and out of sight.  That moment was the last time that day I'd be "sane".

He started asking for his carseat.  Dean and I explained it would meet us on the plane.  As we walked down the corridor toward the security check, Braedon began to completely loose control.  His volume went from a 3 up to a 10.  Tears started to run down his face.  He was screaming and jumping up and down.  I continued to speak in a very slow low tone that I hoped would calm him.  He showed me his plane and pointed to the cargo section and said, "carseat?"  I told him, "yes".  He responded, "No...carseat with Braedon", and he pointed to the windows on his toy plane.  The only thing I could think to do was stop several times and explain to him what was happening and things would be okay.  I DID NOT KNOW YOU COULD GO BACK AND GET THE DAMN CARSEAT!!!  We reached the security checkpoint line and half our group went to stand in line with everyone and half (us) went to go through the special line.  Braedon lost it at this point.  He screamed, jumped, cried, his face was red and his eyes were all over the place.  It didn't matter what you said to him, I'm pretty sure he didn't hear it. 

Then I noticed some nice TSA men converging on us.  The nicest voice asked me what he could do to help.  I didn't know.  I had no idea.  I explained the situation as quickly as I could and he said we could go back and get the carseat.  Sweeter words had never been spoken to me!  I told Braedon we would go back and get it.  Dean, Reilly, Daniel, Dominic, Lito and Lita would wait at the security checkpoint for us to return.  I remember my last words to Dean, "Don't move!"

Braedon and I went at a part run part walk back through the airport to the ticket counter.  I was saying over and over and over, "Things will be fine.  Daddy is waiting for us.  We are getting your carseat."  Braedon kept crying and screaming and worrying Daddy had left.  I quickly explained what happened and that same nice older man ran back to find the carseat.  While he was gone, two older women came over and helped me out.  We kept telling Braedon it was coming.  He wasn't sure if he should wait for the carseat or sprint back to his Daddy.

The man came back with the carseat and Braedon clutched it like you would a floatation device.  I expressed my tremendous thanks and we were off.  Back through the airport to the security point.  Remember what my last words were to Dean?  I do.  They had gone through security and were waiting for us on the other side.

Just when I thought things would calm down, Braedon fell apart yet again.  This time TSA was waiting for us.  They quickly opened a new xray machine just for us to go through.  One of the agents and I kept telling Braedon to slow down and walk through the metal detector...which he did (whew).  Oh, it did take A LOT of convincing for Braedon to put his carseat on the belt to go through the xray machine.  We were right there when it came out!

He ran over to his Dad and began to chew him out for not staying where he was.  All I could think was, "Better Braedon does that in public then me!"  As I sat to put my shoes on I had a moment to collect myself.  I remember saying to myself, "Don't cry.  Don't loose it.  Everyone needs you to be in control."  I took a deep breath just as Braedon started into another meltdown.  He wanted my carry-on to go through the xray like his carseat.  Dean had taken it with him and it already went through.  I walked it over to the machine that was off and pretended to do it.  I'm sure TSA loved to see that.  They started back toward us.  Braedon knew I was pretending and got louder.  A nice TSA guy said to me, "You know if he continues to act this way they won't let you on the plane."  10,000 things went through my mind in that split second.  I smiled at him and said, "Thank you.  I do know that.  Let's hope we can calm things down before we get to the gate.  Thank you all so much for your help.  We appreciate it."  It's funny, but I can really remember exactly what I said.

I knew I had a short period of time to calm him down.  In my head I was planning my contingency plan for staying in New Mexico should we not be able to get on the plane.  We would have to leave the airport, stay another day, and try again the following day.  It would not work to take a latter plane...no no no...So, my plan was to calm Braedon down.

I also needed to calm myself down.  There are many emotions I feel when my sons go through such a dramatic meltdown.  I feel overwhelming sadness that I can't help them.  I feel powerless to their autism.  I feel angry that they won't settle down.  I feel like punching the next person to give me a sideways glance.  I am completely aware of what people are doing around me throughout all of this.  I can see the glances.  I can see the leaning over and whispers.  I can see the shaking of the heads.  Yet, I don't let it bother me.  If it did, how would I be able to help my boys?

As we turned the corner to head to our gate there were two planes boarding.  Braedon was screaming at the top of his lungs and I had a strong hold on his arm so he wouldn't run away.  I almost laughed out loud when about 200 heads turned to see what was going on.  The only sound was Braedon crying and screaming and me saying in a low slow tone, "Everything is going to be ok".  We thought Reilly had a messy diaper and Dean went to change him.  We all found a corner to stand in for a moment.  I told everyone we were just going to stand there and say nothing.  Just silence.  No one speak to Braedon.  I held him in my arms and rubbed his head and back while we waited for Dean.  I could feel his breathing begin to slow.  In that moment I knew we'd be able to get on the plane.  He took some deep breaths.  His color in his face began to go back to a normal color.  By the time Dean got out, he was quiet.

We walked over to our gate and took our seat.  Braedon looked so tired.  His eyes were puffy.  For the next 20 minutes we sat there.  Everyone looked exhausted.  I sat by Braedon and helped him take some deep breaths.  We boarded the plane and everything after that was smooth. 

As we came across the Wasatch Front Braedon said, "Mommy.  My mountains".  I smiled and told him we were home.  We landed, got to our car and made it home. 

That was our day three.  His grandparents were wonderful.  They helped out and tried to keep Braedon calm.  I think they were more shocked at what they were seeing then anything.  I remember telling them, as we sat at our gate, to imagine doing this by yourself with both boys.  I said this happens to me when no one else is around.  It happened just the other day at the Zoo.  It gave them a better understanding when I say they had a meltdown.

I was glad it was over.  As I typed up this story, I found myself laughing and crying.  Next time I fly, the carseat will stay with us 100% of the time!